Letters From War
by aynat
Summary: Rory finds some old letters she'd kept hidden... and tries to come to terms with the fact that they stopped. Abruptly.
1. The First Letter

**Letters From War**

**Author:** aynat  
**Summary:** Rory finds some old letters she'd kept hidden... and tries to come to terms with the fact that they stopped. Abruptly.  
**Spoilers:** From beginning to end.  
**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine... just trying to keep my head held high now that it's all over.  
**Author's Note:** This story does not reflect my views of the war in either Iraq or Afghanistan. I tried to keep this story as unbiased from my views as possible and tried to keep to what the characters would be feeling. Please do not flame me for what you believe my views are because of this story.

* * *

_Dear Rory, _

I realize this letter will come as a surprise, and I don't expect to hear anything back from you. I just felt you needed to know what I'm about to do, so you can see that I really have changed. You don't need to change your opinion of me, it was pretty accurate back then. But time makes people change.

Just after graduation my friends dad died. Not from a heart attack, a car accident, or something as common as those. No, he died in Afghanistan. He died fighting a war so far away. He died trying to make sure his son wouldn't be put into such a position in the future. That's when I changed.

I joined the army along with my friend so we could continue to fight for what his dad believed in so much. I joined because I feel I'm meant to, and because I can make a difference this way. And I joined because of you.

I'm going to continue to write to you unless you tell me to stop. I have no one else to send these to, and as I leave for Iraq tomorrow I can't help but start to feel scared. But don't tell anyone. It's been five years since we've seen each other, five years since we spoke. I don't think you even realize how much of an impact you had on me, or that I would think about you now. But I do.

I'll write again once I'm as settled as I can be in Iraq.

* * *

Rory traced the letters of Tristan's name at the bottom, remembering the surprise she'd felt when she'd recieved the letter a year ago. It had taken many readings before she'd become aware of how stiff it sounded. It didn't sound like the Tristan she knew and she wondered if he was anything like she remembered. 

As she found the other letters buried beneath this one in the desk drawer she tried to picture Tristan, but she couldn't. She remembered a boy with tufty hair and a mischiveious smile. She couldn't see the hair shaved. She couldn't imagine him wearing army greens and following orders. He was right that time made people change, but she wished some things would stay the same.


	2. Surprises

**Letters From War**

**Author:** aynat  
**Summary:** Rory finds some old letters she'd kept hidden... and tries to come to terms with the fact that they stopped. Abruptly.  
**Spoilers:** From beginning to end.  
**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine... just trying to keep my head held high now that it's all over.  
**Author's Note:** This story does not reflect my views of the war in either Iraq or Afghanistan. I tried to keep this story as unbiased from my views as possible and tried to keep to what the characters would be feeling. Please do not flame me for what you believe my views are because of this story.

* * *

_Dear Rory, _

I'm not sure I was really fair with my last letter since I shipped out the day after I sent it. I said I wouldn't write again if you asked me not to, but I never gave you the chance to respond. I guess I was afraid you would be to quick to jump on that opportunity and I really, really want you to hear what I have to say.

I don't know what has happened with you but I thought I could catch you up on the last five years for me. Military school was rough, but I met Mark there. He's the friend who's dad died. He's a really decent guy Mary, I think you would like him.

We made it to graduation without any major incidents. Least none we got caught for. After Mark's dad died he had a rough couple years so I stayed around him instead of heading back to Hartford because I wanted to help. I did my best to help him and his younger sister as best I could, but I screwed things up worse than you could imagine.

I ended up marrying Suzy, his sister. She was two years younger than me, and fresh out of high school. I should have known that it would be a mistake but I didn't question anything. I never question what I'm doing.

I was divorced only six months afterwards. There's no hard feelings between Suzy and I, we both knew we jumped into everything too quickly. It was after I signed the divorce papers that Mark and I joined the Army. After everything I'd done wrong it was time to do something right.

Of course, because it's me, I gave no thought to it before I jumped in. Now that I'm here in Iraq, and I see the terror and tragedies all around me. Rory, I think I made another mistake and I'm so lost in what to do.

This time you really can ask me to stop writing, but I hope you wont.

* * *

Rory tried to picture Tristan married, she couldn't. She wondered if he wore a tux, if the bride wore a white gown. Was it a big ceremony or just vows recited at City Hall? She was surprised at how curious she was about it all, but Tristan DuGrey was the last person she could imagine getting married. 

She noticed his letter said little about what Iraq was like. Was he trying to shield her from that or was he trying to escape it by writing to her? She wondered if she would really like this Mark guy, Tristan never was one who could judge her very well.

Jumping up when she heard the door close she quickly stuffed the letters back into the drawer where they'd always hid. A secret from everyone, words she wanted to keep only to herself. As she closed the drawer her mother came into the room holding several large pizzas.

"Pizza?" Rory asked, surprised. "We're not going to Luke's for dinner?"

"As perfect as that would be for you first visit home," Lorelai told her, "Luke is on a trip with April. Something to do with digging and bones." Rory raised her eyebrows at this but didn't question it. Lorelai continued. "So since he's gone, and you've come alone, I figure it's a girl's night."

Rory looked her mother over again. "Even for us that's a lot of pizza mom. I don't have the metabolism I did in high school." Lorelai laighed.

"Of course you do, you're my daughter," she insisted. "But I said girls night, not mother and daughter night." Before Rory could question the meaning of this Sookie and Lane both came running in with beer, movies, and even more food.


	3. As The Mind Wanders

**Letters From War**

**Author:** aynat  
**Summary:** Rory finds some old letters she'd kept hidden... and tries to come to terms with the fact that they stopped. Abruptly.  
**Spoilers:** From beginning to end.  
**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine... just trying to keep my head held high now that it's all over.  
**Author's Note:** This story does not reflect my views of the war in either Iraq or Afghanistan. I tried to keep this story as unbiased from my views as possible and tried to keep to what the characters would be feeling. Please do not flame me for what you believe my views are because of this story.

* * *

Rory tried to enjoy the conversation that was going on around her but her mind stayed with the letters she'd just stuffed back into a drawer. She knew she was due for another letter soon, there seemed to be on every couple weeks. She tried to ignore how excited she was at recieving a letter again, but couldn't. He was like a friend no one knew she had, he was there for her when she needed him. Even when she didn't. She smiled as she thought about the letter she recieved after she'd finally written him back. 

_Rory!_

_I was sure when I saw that envelope from you that it was all over and I'd have to resort to writing a journal or something. I never imagined you'd write back just to write me, and keep communication open. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate that._

_It's hard over here, harder than I could have imagined. It's hot, and working everyday is rough. Never thought I would appreciate weekends so much. It's hard seeing the locals here in such rough conditions, but for the most part they make the best of it. It's remarkable to see really._

_I'm trying so hard to keep my letters to you positive, but I feel depressed. Maybe it's just the heat, maybe it's this place, or maybe I'm just homesick. I don't really know. But I hate feeling like this. Please write me back, I don't remember the last time I smiled like that._

_All my best,  
Tristan_

* * *

Rory's thoughts were brought back to the present when she noticed everyones eyes on her. Looking up she realized she'd missed some vital part of the conversation. "Sorry, what?" she asked as thoughts of that letter faded from her mind. 

"Are you ok?" Lane asked. Everyone looked worried, like she'd just told them she'd seen a ghost.

"Fine," Rory said and faked a yawn, "just a little tired."

"It is late," Sookie agreed as she grabbed her purse and stood up. "I should be getting home."

Lorelai just nodded as she watched her daughter, a worried look still on her face. "I'll see you tomorrow," Sookie added as she pushed Lane towards the door. After they both said goodbye again they were gone, leaving Rory with only her mother.

"You're not alright," Lorelai insisted. "Something is on your mind, spill."

"Just work stuff," Rory lied, "nothing important, I swear." As Lorelai's gaze followed her Rory slowly stood, stretched and headed towards her bedroom. "I'm going to lay down now, I'll see you in the morning."

"Wait," Lorelai said as she grabbed something from the nearby desk. "I almost forgot, a letter came for you the other day. I figured there was no use in forwarding it..." Rory didn't hear the rest of what her mother said as she saw her name written in Tristan's messy writing. She knew she'd been due for a letter. Smiling she thanked her mom and headed to her bedroom.

As Lorelai watched her daughter walk away she wondered about all these letters she'd been forwarding for the past year. Always the same handwriting, and the same return address. Iraq. Who Rory knew in Iraq was beyond her, but the smile on Rory's lips as she took that letter told her everything. It was definitely a guy.


	4. Lost And Alone

**Letters From War**

**Author:** aynat  
**Summary:** Rory finds some old letters she'd kept hidden... and tries to come to terms with the fact that they stopped. Abruptly.  
**Spoilers:** From beginning to end.  
**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine... just trying to keep my head held high now that it's all over.  
**Author's Note:** This story does not reflect my views of the war in either Iraq or Afghanistan. I tried to keep this story as unbiased from my views as possible and tried to keep to what the characters would be feeling. Please do not flame me for what you believe my views are because of this story.

* * *

_Dear Rory,_

_Mark is dead. I watched him take a shot to the head from a sniper. It was terrible. I'm trying to imagine Suzy's reaction when she recieves word, they were so close. I wish I could be there for her, but I woudn't be much good anyways. I'm a wreck. Soldiers aren't supposed to cry so I'm trying to keep everything bottled up, but I just lost my best friend. I don't know what to do._

_I feel so lost and alone,  
Tristan_

* * *

Rory wiped the tears off her cheek as she read Tristan's words. He had spoken of Mark so often she felt she knew him. She thought back to the time he'd even included a note with one of Tristan's letters and laughed. He had seemed like such a fun loving guy. And now he was gone, and Tristan was hurting and she was sitting in Stars Hollow with no way to help. 

Then she dropped the letter as her breath caught in her throat. Tristan was there when it had happened, he'd watched it. What miracle occured that made the bullet miss him? Never before had the thought crossed her mind that he might not come back from the horror he was in over there. Never before as she considered the possibility.

As she opened that old drawer again and pulled out all his old letters she felt her eyes burn as she tried to keep more tears from falling. She looked at the envelopes that she'd spilled in front of her, dozens of them. She wondered if he kept all the letters she'd written in return.

Then, quickly, she grabbed the envelope she was looking for. It was a letter she'd recieved about six months ago. Just a quick note saying his tour of duty had been extended and he no longer knew when he was coming home. It wasn't the letter she wanted though. Tucked inside was a photo of Tristan with his shaved head and army greens standing next to another soldier, who was slightly taller and more muscular. It was Mark.

Rory looked him over, from his dark hair shaved short, to his blue eyes. She had always loved this photo because the two men seemed to be in good spirits, arms around each other. They were obviously close.

On the back Tristan had written a few simple words. _I couldn't make it without him._

As Rory took a notepad from her desk to write him back she froze. What could she say to help him through this? Nothing. There was nothing to say. Putting down her notepad she took and envelope and slipped the photo inside and sealed it.


	5. No Word

﻿ **Letters From War**

**Author:** aynat  
**Summary:** Rory finds some old letters she'd kept hidden... and tries to come to terms with the fact that they stopped. Abruptly.  
**Spoilers:** From beginning to end.  
**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine... just trying to keep my head held high now that it's all over.  
**Author's Note:** This story does not reflect my views of the war in either Iraq or Afghanistan. I tried to keep this story as unbiased from my views as possible and tried to keep to what the characters would be feeling. Please do not flame me for what you believe my views are because of this story.  


* * *

**Note:** I'm sorry to have left this story for so long, it's just begun to hit close to home. A very good friend of mine was deployed to Afghanistan earlier this year and this story is difficult to continue at times.  


* * *

It had been nearly three months since the letter about Mark's death. The last letter. Rory tried telling herself that Tristan had just stopped writing. That she'd said the wrong thing, or didn't say the right thing, and now Tristan just didn't want to hear from her. Surely that was it. What else could it be?

Though she asked herself that question often, Rory always refrained from answering it. She didn't want to think about it. It wasn't until the day her last letter was returned, the one with Tristan and Mark's photo inside that she began to believe what she already know. Tristan was dead.

When she'd tore open the envelope she'd been holding her breath. When the photo fell out tears began to stream down her face. He'd never even recieved it. He wasn't mad, angry or upset. He wasn't anything. She knew it. Her worst fear she didn't even know she had had come true. 


	6. Some Hope

﻿ **Letters From War**

**Author:** aynat  
**Summary:** Rory finds some old letters she'd kept hidden... and tries to come to terms with the fact that they stopped. Abruptly.  
**Spoilers:** From beginning to end.  
**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine... just trying to keep my head held high now that it's all over.  
**Author's Note:** This story does not reflect my views of the war in either Iraq or Afghanistan. I tried to keep this story as unbiased from my views as possible and tried to keep to what the characters would be feeling. Please do not flame me for what you believe my views are because of this story.  


* * *

The next day Rory drove to Hartford. Parked in front of Tristan's parents house she sat silently, praying for another answer. Anything other than the conclusion she'd come to. Stepping out of the car slowly she stretched and began what felt like a very long walk up the path to the front door.

Tristan's dad answered. He looked just as she'd remembered him. Clearing her throat to try to urge her voice to be above a whisper she introduced herself.

"Hello Mr. Dugray, I'm Rory Gilmore." Her voice shook. She swallowed, hoping her nervousness wouldn't be evident. "I went to Chilton with Tristan for awhile. I haven't heard from him in quite some time and was just curious as to what he's been up to and if you had a way I could possibly contact him?" There. Surely that didn't give away that she knew anything about where he was or what he was up to. Just trying to catch up with an old friend. But it became nearly impossible to hold the tears back when Tristan's fathers face fell and he ushered her inside.  


* * *

"Missing in action?" Rory still couldn't believe those words, though they left slightly more hope than the conclusion she'd come to. "For how long?" She was holding a framed photo of him in his army uniform, tracing the lines of his absurdly messy hair.

"It's been nearly four months now," his father said slowly. It seemed he was going to say something more but thought better of it, instead he just stayed silent. Rory tried to remind herself to breathe as she looked from him to the photo in her hand.

"But... missing," she said quietly. "So there's still hope." 


End file.
